Violent Impulse vs Dan Alexander vs Brenton Cyrus (Briefcase Tournament Finals) - RP #1

----------------------October 26th, 2011----------------------

Priest: “We have come together to remember before God the life of James David Macdonald, to bless these, his ashes and to commend him to God’s keeping. We are also here in sympathy and love to comfort Anne, David, Brandon and Keagan Macdonald, and all who mourn with a proclamation of our hope and God’s promise that dying in Christ, we may rise in Christ to life eternal”

I couldn’t believe it. Here I was sitting in the front row of a church, listening to a preacher talk about my own brother. There were silent tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t bear to look around. Keagan was to my right, and she was bawling. I could hear my mom crying, and my dad trying to comfort her. Ashley was sitting on the other side of me, and even she was crying. The Deacon stood up and led us in a song, but I could not sing. I don’t even think I could talk. I just kept staring at the urn, filled with the ashes of what had only a few days ago been my brother.

Priest: “May the lord be with you”

Brandon: “And also with you”

Priest: “Let us pray”

I bowed my head. I listened to the Priest. He was the best man for the job. Father Joe Lynch, who resided over the wedding of Anna and I, the wedding of Keagan and James, basically everything in the Macdonald family. He was a good friend of my parents, and so we had him flown out here for this. It made me feel a bit better, knowing that James would be getting a proper send off by the man who had married him to the love of his life only months ago.

Priest: “Almighty God, you love everything you have made, and wash us over with your unending mercy. We rejoice in your promises of healing, joy and peace to all who love you. In your mercy turn the darkness of death into the dawn of a new life, and the sorrow of death to the joy of Heaven; through our Saviour Jesus Christ who died on the cross, rose again and who lived forevermore, we pray”

I bowed my head again. I had my arm around Keagan now, and she was crying into my shoulder. I was slowly rubbing her back, trying to calm her down, but it was hard. I felt Ashley reach up and wipe tears from my eyes. I hated everything right now. I couldn’t believe that I had to be here. Why was he the first one in my family to go? Before both my parents, before me. He should have been the last one!

Priest: “Please stay seated for a reading from the third book of Ecclesiastes”

This was my dad’s reading. He slowly stood up from my mom, who was starting to cry less, and be able to hold her own. I hadn’t even had a chance to really talk to my parents yet. The funeral was in St. Louis, since that was where James had lived. We had both flown in separately, and by the time we had all unpacked and everything, it was time for the funeral. I looked at my dad, who was ready to read.

Dave: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;  a time to kill, and a time to heal;  a time to break down, and a time to build up;  a time to weep, and a time to laugh;  a time to mourn, and a time to dance;  a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;  a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  a time to seek, and a time to lose;  a time to keep , and a time to throw away;  a time to tear , and a time to sew;  a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  a time to love, and a time to hate;  a time for war, and a time for peace.  What gain have the workers from their toil?  I have seen the business that God has given to everyone to be busy with.  He has made everything suitable for its time; moreover he has put a sense of past and future into their minds, yet they cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. The word of the lord”

Brandon: “Thanks be to God”

I smiled at my dad as he walked by me. He nodded his head at me softly before sitting back down with my mom. I held Ashley’s hand tightly, as she squeezed back with me. It made me feel a lot better knowing that she was here for me, especially when I needed it most, like right now.

We were all singing again. I still didn’t feel like singing. I could mouth along to the words, but there was no sound coming out. It would be like this until I had to do the gospel reading. I hoped. I needed my voice if I wanted to read that. Everyone was sitting down. That meant that we were done singing. I sat down and looked at Father Joe, who was standing at the altar.

Priest: “Please be seated for a reading from the third book of Philippians”

I saw a man that I recognized to be Ben Leber stand up. He was a linebacker from the St. Louis Rams, James’ team. I looked around where he was sitting. I recognized basically the whole Rams team, including the coaches. This must have been hard for them too. I couldn’t imagine how they would be able to play football through this. They must have been able to channel James’ memory, much like I did when I had to wrestle.

Ben: “More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

I kept my head down and wiped my eyes. It was almost my turn to read the gospel. I had been practicing it all week. It was crazy. I could memorize things to say in front of a camera with the IWF, make things up on the spot, all that. But when this came around, it’s been one of the hardest things for me to do. 

Priest: “Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the gospel acclamation”

I stood up. Ashley squeezed my hand tightly as I smiled faintly at her. I stood up and slowly walked to the front of the altar. I wiped my eyes. I didn’t want everyone to see my crying. Even though I knew most them could tell anyways. I leaned into the microphone.

Brandon: “A reading from the gospel according to Mark”

I made the gospel sign with my hand. I took a deep breath.

Brandon: “ Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat, but if it dies, it produces much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there also will my servant be. The Father will honor whoever serves me. ‘I am troubled now. Yet what should I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name.’ Then a voice came from heaven, ‘I have glorified it and will glorify it again…”

I trailed off. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was standing right next to James’ ashes, here at his funeral, trying to read something about Jesus, and God, when none of that mattered. All that mattered was that my brother, my best friend, was gone. And that he would not come back, no matter how badly I wanted him to.

Priest: “The Gospel of the Lord”

I looked at Father Joe, who nodded at me. I wiped my eyes. I had realized that I was crying throughout the reading, but I didn’t care. Everyone should know the pain that I’m going through. The suffering, the terrible feeling. Ashley came up and grabbed my hand, helping me back to my seat.

Brandon: “Thank you”

Ashley: “Of course”

Father Joe walked over to the microphone on the side altar. I listened close. He always had great homilies.

Priest: “My dear friends in Christ. It is with sorrow and grief that today we gather with the mortal remains of James Macdonald, to entrust him now to the grace and mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ. We also gather to support each other and to encourage one another with the declarations of faith in the resurrection of Christ the Lord and in the power of his love. To you, James’ family and friends, I extend my loving prayers and sympathy, and those of myself and of the entire parish. We pray and mourn with you during this time of death and sorrow. May the presence of Christ and of his Church hold you up and give you the comfort and peace that you need. Today in the gospel, Jesus says, “unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” In this farming image, the Lord gives us a powerful example of humility and service. If our lives are to bear fruit, if we are to be faithful followers of the Lord, we must dedicate ourselves to the service of God and neighbor, placing the needs of others before our own. Saint Paul has come to a realization of this fact of Christian life and is able to tell us, “None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself. For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord; so then, whether alive or dead, we are the Lord’s.” 
In the waters of Baptism, each of us becomes the Lord’s own special possession, being unified with him in his suffering, death and resurrection. The sacred minister traces the sign of the Cross on our forehead and as the water flows over us, Christ places his own seal on our soul, a mark that cannot be washed away or removed. He claims us for himself and calls us to follow him by taking up our cross and by loving God and neighbor. 
The hope of the Christian faith, first given and received in Baptism, “does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us”. This kind of life involves sacrifice and requires our daily cooperation with the grace Christ extends to us. To do so we must be united with the Lord in prayer. 
Through the strength and power of his love he has forever destroyed the power of sin and death for all who trust in his mercy and love. When we look upon the pierced side of Christ, we learn most clearly that “the souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them” because nothing can keep us from the love of Christ Jesus.
Let us pray to the Father of Mercies, Lord of the living and the dead, to welcome James into the everlasting life of heaven. May he embrace him tenderly.
“May choirs of angels welcome you, James, and lead you to the bosom of Abraham; and where Lazarus is poor no longer may your find eternal rest.” Amen.”

Brandon: “Amen”

I wiped my eyes. A beautiful, albeit short homily, as always, by Father Joe. I looked around the church. Almost everyone was crying. Even Ashley had tears in her eyes beside me. That was the power of Father Joe. Even a person who hardly knew James was crying over his death. 

Priest: “We complete the sermon from our experience. If an experience of your own, or a memory of James came to mind, please share it now while we listen for God speaking to us in the silence.”

I looked around. A few people were shuffling around, but no one really seemed to want to be the first one to share. Danny Amendola of the Rams, he was a receiver, stood up. 

Danny: “James and I came to the Rams at the same time. I wasn’t nearly as well known as James or anything. I ran into him during one of our opening workouts. We got talking, and he just seemed lie a super laid back guy. I suggested that we help each other out in practice and stuff, look out for each other. So fast-forward to our first contact practice. I’m going over the middle, and I catch a pass. And James runs in and just flattens me. I mean he really rang my bell. It was one of the hardest hits I’ve ever taken. So as I’m lying there, James stands over me and extends his hand. I asked him what that was all about. He plays dumb and asks what was what all about. I tell him that I thought we were supposed to look out for each other. He looks around for a bit, then looks down at me and says ‘Well if I didn’t hit you, then J Butler over there would have hit you’. And then he laughs and helps me back up like nothing ever happened. It was that moment where I realized the passion that James had for the game he played, but also the good-natured side of him. He joked around at every practice, but when it came time to get serious, he was the one getting all of our heads straight. I’ll always remember James as one of the greatest leaders, but I’ll remember him even more as a great friend. I’m gonna miss you buddy. We all will”

Danny sat down as one of his teammates wrapped his arm around his shoulders. I turned back to Father Joe, who nodded at someone else behind me. I heard them stand up, but I didn’t want to turn around and make it obvious. But as soon as they started talking, I knew.

Anna: “I knew James for nearly twenty years. I met him when I started dating his older brother Brandon. This was back when James was maybe eight or nine years old. And I’ve known him since then. I watched him grow up, almost like an older sister to him. I remember one time he came to ask me for relationship advice, he was so cute. But then I watched him mature, and become the man he was until the day he left us. It was a stunning transformation. He was like three different people in one. At home, he was the same goofy kid who looked up to his brother. At school, he was the attractive ‘cool’ kid. And then when he played football, he was the meanest guy you ever met. But again, he was such a sweetheart off the field. Even in other sports, he took them so seriously, he was so competitive. But you’d never guess it if you knew him outside. I’ve always considered him like my little brother. I used to go to Ohio and watch his college games sometimes. Then he’d take me out for dinner after, and we’d just talk about life. And never once did he let me pay. He was just that kind of a guy. I remember when he first met his wife Keagan. On Caye Chapel Island, at Brandon’s house. I could tell from that moment that it was love at first sight for both of them. I knew James for so long, and I just saw that look in his eyes that told me everything. He just couldn’t stop staring at her during the entire dinner. I recall telling Brandon that we should go for a walk, so that we could leave them alone. And well, you can probably guess what happened when we were gone. But it was more than that. It was love. And when he proposed to her, and then they got married, I knew that he had never been happier in his entire life.”

I wrapped my arm around Keagan’s shoulders as she began cry again. I could tell Anna was starting to tear up too.

Anna: “I-I just can’t believe that this happened. His life was too short. He had so much to give to this world, and too all of the people in it. Keagan, Brandon, Mr and Mrs Macdonald. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain that you are going through. But I know that you know that James wouldn’t want you to stay suffering forever. He would have wanted you to continue to live on your lives, just like he did. Because that’s just the man he was. He was the best. And…and…I’m sorry, I can’t keep thinking about this”

I turned around as Anna wiped her eyes and sat down, beside Chuck Matthews, who I was surprised to see. I guess if Anna had told him to come, there was no reason that he wouldn’t. I made eye contact with Anna, and mouthed ‘Thank You’ to her. She smiled faintly through her tears, as I turned back towards the altar.

Priest: “Thank you. Let us now bow our heads in silent prayer”

I bowed my head. This was a time that I actually had to pray. I had been doing too much crying, too much blame, and too much anger. But now I needed to pray. Pray for James’ soul, that he’d be welcomed into Heaven. Pray for his memory, that it would live on forever. And pray for my family. Keagan, my parents, Ashley, that we’d all get through this. We needed all the strength that we could get if we were to make it through this. But we’re a strong family. I prayed that this would all be better soon. And I prayed that James would watch over my entire family, especially Keagan. She was his wife, the love of his life, and she had lost so much. She needed his guardianship most right now.

Deacon: “For Anne and David Macdonald, Keagan Macdonald, Brandon Macdonald, and all those grieving James Macdonald’s death with them, that we may know the comfort of God’s love, let us pray to the Lord.”

Brandon: “Lord hear our prayer”

Deacon: “That God makes us bearers of love to support one another in our grief, let us pray to the Lord.”

Brandon: “Lord hear our prayer”

Deacon: “For comfort for all who suffer and mourn, let us pray to the Lord”

Brandon: “Lord, hear our prayer”

Deacon: “For patience and faith in times of loss, that we may know the wonder of God’s mercy and the mystery of God’s love, let us pray to the Lord”

Brandon: “Lord, hear our prayer”

Deacon: “That the inspiration and example of James’ love and compassion may increase our own, let us pray to the Lord”

Never a better word was spoken. James was an inspiration. Not just to me, not just to his family, but also to everyone he was around. 

Brandon: “Lord, hear our prayer”

Deacon: “And that God give us vision of his purposes, assurance of his power, confidence of his love, and clarity of hope in Jesus, let us pray to the Lord”

Brandon: “Amen”