Gunther RP #2

by **Brandon Macdonald** Mon Nov 11, 2013 5:33 pm

'Ring-Ring.......ring-ring'

Gunther's telephone was ringing. He answered it.

“Hello”

“Gunther, it's Bill. Look, you missed training again today.”

“Yes”

Hesitation

“Well where were you?”

“I was having my daily morning wake-up sex”

Awkward silence

“Well, you haven't come to training yet. You need to train to get ready for you match.”

“Bill. Am I sexy?”

More hesitation.

“What? Yes, you are very sexy. What's that got to do with anything?”

“Should a man as sexy as me have to exert myself?”

“Well actually-”

“The answer is no.”

“But Gunther. You need to train to win this match. You've never wrestled before”

“I am sexy enough that it won't matter. I need to training. I need no experience. I just need my mullet, my leather jacket and pants, and my moustache”

“Gunther, there is only so much you can do-”

“You do not know what my moustache is capable of. I need not train”

“Alright, well when you come to your sense, you can call me”

“Much love Bill. Much love.”

Gunther hung up the phone. He looked back at the bed where Jessica Alba, Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson, and Hayden Panettiere lay naked.

“Shall we continue”

He counted four answers of 'yes please'

“Great”

---1 hour later---

Gunther got out of the shower, and reached for his towel. He took it and began to dry his hair off. His chest hair. He walked to the mirror. He reached for his comb, and ran it through his mullet. He couldn't believe how sexy he was. God had blessed him with such good looks and sexual attraction, and he wasn't going to deprive God of what he wanted.

He reached for his special moustache styler. That was the bread and butter. His moustache was the most perfect moustache that anyone could ever have. And he always kept it looking good. All day, every day. He never let his moustache get to out of figure. The day he did that would be the day where a woman says no to sex with him for the first time.

He finished drying off his sexy body, and styling his moustache, and combing his mullet. He stepped into his room and admired his body in his mirror. He goes into his closet and grabs his usual attire. His leather pants. His black t-shirt. And his famous leather jacket. He slid down his SexyPole, and got into his Sexymobile, and drove off downtown, to film a commercial for sex awareness.

---2 hours later---

“Gunther, your an hour and a half late, what happened?”

“Sorry. The Olsen Twins called me. They they needed to experience the power of my lightning rod, first hand”

“What? What does that even mean?”

“I was buttering their muffins. Their bare muffins.”

“Wow, okay, I got you. Anyways, lets go. We're just gonna roll it, and you just talk to the camera about why teens should be sexually aware. Can you do that?”

“Yes”

“Okay, we'll count you down. Remember, just talk about why kids need to be aware of their sexual activities, etc. Okay. 3....2....1....Go”

Gunther turned and faced the camera and looked right at it.

“Many people like to say that sex is the answer. I, Gunther, tell you that sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes, is the answer.”

“Cut”

“Am I good to leave?”

“Gunther, that wasn't what we needed at all. We need awareness! Not promotion.”

“Oh. I see. Okay.”

“Ready...and...go!”

Gunther looked at the camera again.

“The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant”

“Cut”

“I was feeling that one.”

“That didn't even make sense. It was completely wrong. Again”

Gunther gave him one of his 'Gunther' stares.

“Ready....Go!”

“I am Gunther. I'm here to tell you today that no one has ever died from too much sex”

“Cut”

Gunther looked at them, and was met with facepalms

“Gunther, that was awful. Lets try this a few more times.”

Gunther looked at the camera.

“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens”

“Cut”

“When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.”

“Cut”

“I practise safe sex. I use an airbag”

“Cut”

“I've been in more laps than a napkin”

“CUT”

“It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married”

“Alright Gunther. We'll try this one more time.”

“A sexual orgasm a day, keeps the doctor away. But just to be safe, I have 12”

“Alright Gunther, I think we got what we needed. You can go now”

“Thank the lord. Amanda Seyfried has been calling me non-stop. She wants me to put my beef in her taco.”

“Okay Gunther, I think we've all heard enough. You should go.”

“Okay. Respect, producer man. Respect”

Gunther left the studio in an average mood, because this was just his average day. He checked his phone and saw that it wasn't just Amanda Seyfried who called, but Amanda Bynes as well. He decided to call them both.

“Hello Amanda”

“Oh my god, Gunther? I think I almost just came just from hearing your voice.”

“It happens”

“Please tell me you're calling for what I hope you're calling for.”

“Yes. Do you like Amanda Bynes?”

“Ya, she's nice.”

“Okay, good”

“Why?”

“Don't worry. Come to my house.”

“Okay, I'll be there”

“Much Love Amanda”

Gunther hung up and called the other Amanda.[/color]

“Hello”

“GUNTHER!! Ohmygod, where?”

“My house”

“Okay, when?”

“Now.”

“Okay.”

“Amanda Seyfried. You like?”

“Ya, she's hot.”

“Good. Much love Amanda”

Gunther put his phone in his pocket and hopped into the Sexymobile. He drove back towards his house at an average pace.

Once he arrived, he prepared some champagne, and waited for the Amanda's to arrive.

----2 hours later----

“Wow, Gunther, you were so great.”

“I didn't even know that was possible”

“Ladies, don't be shocked. It's me. You should come to expect it by now.”

“You're right Gunther. It's just that every time it seems to get better and better.”

“Well, ladies, my skill level doesn't plateau. It keeps increasing and increasing every day.”

“Oh Gunther, we will never doubt your incredible, unmatchable sex skills again”

“That's what I like to hear ladies.”

Gunther said goodbye to the Amanda's, and then headed back into his house. He sat down to check his phone messages. He had one from The Hoff, just letting Gunther know that he had received the front row tickets to Seven Sins, and he would be sure to be seen there, watching Gunther and all the other matches. He had another message. From Emma Stone and Kate Beckinsale

“Hey Gunther, this is Emma! And Kate! We need dates to a show tonight, and we were wondering if you and anyone else would like to come and be our dates? Of course we'd have lots of sex afterwords. Anyways, if you want to come, and can think of anyone else who'd like to come, we'll come for you later on. Bye!”

Gunther thought about it, and knew just the man. He called back.

“Hello, this is Gunther. I will come, and I have just the man.”

They were both quite excited when they heard this, probably because they knew what was going to come later that night. Or who was going to come. Gunther had to call his friend though.

“Hello, this is Jonas”

“This is Gunther”

“Gunther, my man, whats up?”

“Want to sleep with Kate Beckinsale and Emma Stone tonight?”

“Oh Gunther, I can see you haven't changed one bit. Ya, I think I can make it work.”

“Great. We have to go on 'dates' with them, apparently, before”

“Huh. Any idea what that's supposed to mean?”

“No, not at all. I think it means we're supposed to be with them, but not having sex?”

“Whoa, that is weird. Never heard of that before”

“I know, me neither. But I didn't have any plans tonight.”

“Me neither. I'll see you in a bit”

Gunther put the phone down, and went to change into a new jacket. He left and headed out to see Emma and Kate.

He met up with his friend, the almost-as-sexy-as-himself Jonas Altberg, known to all as the Swedish DJ Basshunter. Together they left to meet the ladies.

Once they arrived, they saw the ladies, who looked as beautiful as any girl would when getting ready to sleep with Gunther.

“Hey boys. You both look sexy as usual”

“Thanks. So, when do we have sex?”

“Easy there boys. You'll get an all-access pass once we watch the show”

“Wait. So we have to do something before we have sex?”

Gunther and Basshunter looked at each other in confusion.

“Yes silly. It's called a date. You've never been on one?”

They looked at each other again.

“No”

“Nope”

The girls took a turn looking at each other.

“Okay....well, this can be your first! Let's go”

They followed the girls into the theatre, to their front row seats. They watched a play. It was not very interesting. Once they left, they decided to go to Gunther's house.

They arrived and headed up to his bedrooms.

“Gunther, who do you want first?”

“Emma, you'll come with me first.”

“Okay!”

Gunther and Emma went into Gunthers bedroom. Emma immediately dropped to her knees and pulled down his pants.

“Shit. That's the biggest I've ever seen”

“Yes. I know. Some call me the biggest man in all of sports-entertainment”

“There's no way that I can fit that”

“You'd be surprised. I am very talented at what I do.”

Emma pulled off her shirt and took off her pants.

“Well lets get started then”

----45 minutes later----

“Gunther. Ready to switch?”

“Always”

“Alright. Hopefully you didn't loosen Emma up too much.”

“No promises”

“Alright, let's do it”

----An hour later----

“Bye Gunther! Bye Jonas! You guys were so great!”

“Ya, you really were, I've never felt anything like it”

The girls left, and then Basshunter decided to go as well, as he had an early morning. He did promise to watch Gunther's match at Seven Sins. Gunther thanked him for his time.

Gunther went back into his house, and looked at the time. He realized that he should probably get to sleep. But he decided that sleep could wait. He picked up his phone.

“Hi this is Katy”

“This is Gunther. Come over.”

“With pleasure Gunther. And I stress the pleasure.”

______________________________________________________________________________________

So I have a fight this week. At what is being dubbed as one of the “biggest PPV in NLWF history”. It only makes sense that I debut here. A man as sexy as me always makes things bigger and better. I stress the bigger. I am ready for my match. I decided to look at who I am fighting. I was surprised. An old, washed-up wrestler who thinks that he can become a champion in only a week? I laugh in your direction. You don't know the meaning of the word lust. How can this match already be decided? You haven't tried to punch me yet. The problem with me is that you look at me, and you can't bring yourself to hit me. My face is far too sexy and attractive. Many people before you have tried. They come close. But they can't bring themselves to do it. You have much to learn about Gunther. The moustache. My bread and butter. You will never beat me. Yet you claim that you will have no problem beating everyone else in this company? I beg to differ. You will continue to be a blip. A unattractive little blip. You call yourself a sinner. Brother. Compared to my sexy self, you have done nothing. Maybe even negative. Compared to me, you are embarrassing the name of sinning by putting yourself in the same sentence as the word. I can't wait to give you my patented Gunther Stunner this week. And you better watch out. Because I will catch you with The Ding Dong. The chances of you being able to walk after that are slim-to-none, let alone ever do the nasty again.

And I'm also fighting a medieval warrior woman. I'm not sure what to think. She claims that she will essentially kill me in the ring. I don't really know how I'm supposed to react to that. Should I be afraid of this woman? If she is a normal woman, then there will be no issue, because she will just want to sleep with me instead of fight me. If she's not a regular woman, well then, I imagine The Ding Dong would affect her as well. So there is no issues again. What I am trying to get at is that the chances of me losing my debut match in the NLWF are about the same as the chances of a woman saying no to sex with me. Zero. It's never happened, and it never will. Saying that this “woman” poses a threat to me is like saying that Zac Efron poses a threat to me in the amount of woman we each sleep with. They're not. At Se7en Sins, I will win the match. I will high-five my friend David Hasselhoff sitting in the front row. And then I will go backstage and commit about 13 Sins while maybe watching some of the other matches. I look forward to this match, and much more to the post-match party in my dressing room. Much Love